So, I have been doing some soul searching in the past couple of weeks. Two subjects have been at the top of my soul searching...my relationship with my Lord and my relationship with my body. I know it sounds a little odd that these two would be together, but they are so in together. I have found, through many years of low self esteem and self disgust, that if one of these relationships is out of wack, the other is out of wack. So, that being said, I have made two decisions. No one really knows about these decisions, hence the need for accountability. Because if I don't have accountability, I will never do it. (Have you noticed that pattern on here?) So, here goes. First, I have a difficult time figuring out a way to have quiet time with my God. I think revival really hit home this past week. I had already felt God pulling at my heart strings that He was missing me, or is it that I was missing feeling Him in me!?! And all the words that God spoke to me through Jeremy Kingsley just drove the point home that much more to me. I can definitely tell when I haven't had enough time with God - and I know my family can tell when I haven't had enough time. On several occassions I've caught myself thinking, wow, did I really say, do, mean that!?!?!!? And I know Steve, Emily, and Elaina have all felt it, well maybe not so much Elaina, but definitely Steve and Emily. So, my first decision I made was to be diligent about being close to my Jesus again. And the first step was to pull my study Bible out of the drawer. This Bible has been with me since before I had Emily. My sweet friend, Lisa, gave it to me and I have used it so much that when I open it, it opens to the same page everytime and has creases in it. And there's writing and highlighting all in it. I love this Bible, because I have learned so much while having it, and I do believe if you look close enough, you can see marks from the sweet and tears that have dripped down while talking to my friend Jesus. The second step is hopefully going to happen soon. Get a small group of women started to help keep me accountable and to help me feel not so isolated. (No one made me feel isolated, except myself). But it's funny how God works. I had been thinking about trying to find somewhere to plug in and then the other day sweet Sharon and Elizabeth started talking to me about possibly starting a small group that meets in the mornings, which is one of the only times I can do it with Steve's hours and having the girls. I'm so excited!!! We don't know what we are going to do yet when we meet, but it will be great. Of course it will, it's in God's plan!!! And the third step is to carve some time in my day to have some prayer time and just plan ol' God time. That takes care of my first decision & probably the most important one - my relationship with God is going to take center in my life. Okay, so I didn't know this post was going to be this long, but I have to get all this out of my head so that it won't fog up my brain any more than it already is. My next decision is to take care of my relationship with my body. Since having my second baby has led me to some HORRIBLE habits when it comes to eating and working out. Why is it that both my girls made me crave sweet stuff!!!! And regular coke/dr. pepper. It's so hard going back to the diet stuff! Many of you may not know that Steve and I ran a triathlon a few years back and I loved it. It was the year I turned 30 and I couldn't believe that I actually finished it! I was next to last, but hey, I crossed the finish line!!! So, I don't know that I want to run a triathlon again, but I'm thinking about a 5k wouldn't be quite as hard. So, I went to that wonderful world wide web and started some research. And I have to say, I'm so excited!!!! There are several out there for charities/ministries that are dear to my heart. And that's just in the Nashville area! I'm sure there are more if I looked outside of Tennesse. So, I'm going to train to run a 5K. I know there are some of you out there thinking that's not much - but let me tell you if you had my knees and ankles, you would be saying it's plenty. I was not very nice to body as a younger me, so I struggle to run down the driveway much less a 5K. I know the main one I want to do is the Race for the Cure which is in October. I have several others that are before that which I'm interested in, but Race for the Cure is a cause that is near and dear to me. Both of my grandmothers had breast cancer. One had a mastectomy, and eventually the cancer came back with a vengence and took her from me. So, I want to race in her memory. Now, what I need from you. Encouragement, prayers, and questions. I want you to ask me about how I'm doing in both of my decisions. That's why I'm putting it out here. I want, no, I need to know people know about my decisions or else they will never happen. I love you guys and you have helped me through more than you know! Oh PS - I think on I'm going to join the choir at church. I have really felt God tapping on my shoulder saying I should, but it is SO out of my comfort zone to let anyone hear me sing!!! Don't get me wrong, I love to sing. But in the privacy of my car or shower (or as Steve as caught me on numerous occassions, while I work out by myself in the garage). So, if you happen to come to FBCJ and see some crazy lady in the choir shaking in her boots that would be me! Well, probably not boots, more like shaking in her flip flops! Wish me luck!